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Monday, January 24, 2011

Disabled mother battling for visitation rights gets precious time with her kids

Abbie Dorn, with therapist Heidi McGovern, was severely disabled when her brain was starved of oxygen after giving birth to triplets. She and her parents are in a protracted custody dispute with her ex-husband.

Abbie Dorn is confined to a wheelchair and hasn't held her triplets since the day they were born. Last month her children, who live in L.A., spent time with her in South Carolina.

Abbie Dorn sat in her high-backed wheelchair, a white board resting across her lap, head tilted a little to the left.

Arrayed on the board in front of the silent 34-year-old on this Thursday afternoon in early December were small sheets of paper, each printed with a single word. Happy. Sad. Scared. Anxious. Excited.

"Abbie," prompted speech-language pathologist Sarah Gerace, "how do you feel about your children coming to visit?"

The motionless woman cast her eyes to the word "happy." A moment later, they shifted to "sad." "Did you mean happy, Abbie?" Gerace queried. Abbie blinked in response. "Did you mean sad?" She blinked again. "Did you mean happy and sad?" Another blink, long and definitive

Two months after Abbie turned 30, Esti, Reuvi and Yossi were born at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. The triplets, now 4 1/2, were strong and healthy, but a series of medical errors eventually left their young mother largely unable to move or communicate except by blinking.

Abbie has held her babies just once: the day they were born. She and her husband, Dan, have since divorced, and they are locked in an angry legal struggle over the children they once dreamed of and prayed for.

Abbie is fighting for visitation through her parents, Susan and Paul Cohen, who have been named her conservators. Dan has argued in court that seeing their disabled mother would cause the children grave harm and that he, as their only "fit" parent, has the ultimate right to make decisions about their care.

By the time of the speech therapy visit, Abbie had not seen her children for more than three years. But now, they were due to arrive in just four days for a secret visit that not even the court was aware of.

And how was she? Happy, Susan said, recounting the speech therapy visit. And sad.

The Dorn case has been in and out of Los Angeles County Superior Court for nearly a year, wending its way slowly toward trial. The children, who live in Los Angeles with their father, have been evaluated by a psychologist, Abbie, who lives in South Carolina with her parents, has been examined by a neurologist. A gag order was put in place to keep all parties silent about the visit, and then was lifted last week.

Throughout the contentious process, the attorneys' arguments have largely stayed the same, though their volume has risen with the passing months.

Vicki J. Greene, who represents Dan, has argued in documents and in court that "the constitutional right to visit with one's children is reserved for fit parents only."

Abbie does not fill that bill, she says, because she "is incapable of communication (blinking is merely reflexive) and more likely than not, would not know or acknowledge her children if they were standing before her."

Paul and Susan Cohen, she told Judge Frederick C. Shaller during a December hearing, "are trying to get grandparent visitation rights in the guise of getting it for their daughter…No matter how sad, no matter how cruel, they don't have the right to do that."

Greene has asked that the trial be split in two, that only if Abbie could actually express her desire to see the triplets during a competency phase would the fight over visitation commence. Both Shaller and Judge Rudolph Diaz, who heard the case's early actions, disagreed.

The children's psychological evaluation has been sealed from public view. But in a six-page neurological report filed in July, Dr. Angela N. Hays said that the children's mother is in a "minimally conscious state" and that it is "unreasonable to hope that she will return to anything approximating" her abilities before her brain was starved for oxygen after childbirth.

Hays, who specializes in "neurological emergencies" at the Medical University of South Carolina, said it is impossible to know whether Abbie can understand speech or interpret what she sees.

"However, it is clear that she can at least perceive images and sounds," Hays concluded. And "I cannot exclude the possibility that she may retain the capacity to recognize family members and derive some enjoyment from social interaction."

To Lisa Helfend Meyer, who represents Abbie, the case is both simple and critically important. Unless Dan can show that visitation would be a detriment to the children, who live with him in Los Angeles, Abbie has a constitutional right to see them, regardless of whether she can talk.

The case is about one mother, she says, and all parents with disabilities. Meyer told Shaller in December that Greene wants to set a standard that "to see your children you have to have a certain IQ, can't be disabled or have a certain sexual preference.

Even prisoners have the right to see their children," Meyer told Shaller. And "it is in the best interests of these children to have a relationship with their mother."

It took nearly a month to negotiate the details of the visit to Myrtle Beach, S.C., where Abbie lives with her parents. Four days, four hours a day, all expenses paid by Susan and Paul Cohen.

Psychologist Jane Ellen Shatz had spent months evaluating the children and their extended family, and in October she released her report. Shortly afterward, Greene called Meyer to talk. Their daylong, confidential mediation session resulted in the one-time visit, but the Cohens felt the conditions were onerous.

Susan could not talk to Esti, Reuvi and Yossi about whether their mother would ever get better. She could not ask the little girl and her brothers to pray for Abbie. No visitors were allowed while the children were there — not even their aunt, uncle and cousins. On the first day, the Cohens were not allowed in the room while the triplets and their mother got acquainted, although Abbie's caretakers were present.

But most of all, Susan said, no one could know — not the neighbors, not the media, not the judges.

On Dec. 6, Dan was scheduled to bring the children to the Cohens' airy house on the Intracoastal Waterway about 12:30 p.m. Abbie was ready, sitting up in a big brown chair in the living room, her makeup carefully applied, her skirt and top a neat black and white.

"I told her I don't know 100% for sure he's coming, that he may not show up," Susan recounted. "That's why, at 1:45, I sat down, put my feet up, took out a book and started to read to Abbie."

Then the doorbell rang.

At first, Susan said, the children were shy. They played with Band-Aids, their favorite toy, and medical gloves that the grownups had blown up into hand-shaped balloons. Esti, as always, talked the most. "We know our Mommy got sick," she told Susan on arrival, "because the doctor made a mistake."

Susan had set out an activity table with crayons and craft supplies, and the children drew pictures and made art projects. But when they brought them over to show their mother, Susan said, "Dan told them, 'She can't see.'"

Dan and attorney Greene declined to comment on why he agreed to the visit or how it went. They also would not discuss the ongoing litigation, including a suit that he has filed against the Cohens in South Carolina.

As part of Abbie's medical malpractice settlement, a $910,275 special needs trust fund had been set up. Dan argues in the new suit that Abbie's parents violated the terms of the trust by using most of that money to fight for visitation, and he wants them removed as conservators.

Meyer argues that the money is appropriately used for Abbie's medical and legal needs and that Dan simply wants to stop Abbie from fighting for visitation. The trust has dwindled fast, and the Cohens have set up a fund to accept donations to help Abbie see her children again.

And what did Abbie think about Esti, Reuvi and Yossi's visit?

A week after the children departed, she was back in the speech therapist's office, white board on lap. This time Gerace laid out just two words. "Sad" was on the right. "Happy" was on the left.

"How did you feel about seeing your children?" Gerace said.

Abbie looked to the left.

Happy.

45 comments:

  1. This guy is a horrible person

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  2. I went out with this guy for five months thank you hashem that you showed me the sign to drop him. And I am asking every jewish girl do not go out with this jerk he will use you and dump you!

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  3. How sad this world has become because of people who are selfish and cruel. Every mother should be allowed to see their children. She bore them and unfurtunately it wasn't her choice what happened to her. Have some pitty and let this mom see her children and the grandparents see their grandchildren. Life is so short do the right thing Mr. Dan

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  4. I hope Mr Dan will realize what he is doing is just causing his chilren more pain and suffering.At the end his children will grow up and realize the truth and despise their dad.

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  5. I hope and pray for justice for Mrs.Susan and Mr Paul Cohen and their dear daughter Abbie they are wonderful people and only deserve the best. They should only have nachas from their daughter and grandchildren! May hashem make a miracle and Abbie should have a full recovery.

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  6. As an acquaintance of the family, I have been in Abby's presence a few times. It is clear she recognizes people by feature and sound of voice. She also recognizes who she doesn't know, and makes gestures that are universal and clear for any "human being" to interpret. One does not need to hear a couple say I love you to know that they love each other. One does not have to hear a child cry to know that they are sad. One does not need to see a "dogs" tail wag to know if it is happy, or hear it growl to know it is going to attack. Blinking is a neurological reflex. Smiling is also a neurological reflex. If Abby smiles are we to presume she is sad? If you are sad, should I presume your are happy? The truth is always simple, clear, and easy to understand! Best of luck, always, Melanie

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  7. Why the good lord put this scum on this earth
    I do not know. But, I have to believe that he will be punished for his sins at some point.
    His children will eventually hate him, and we
    already know how others feel about him.

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  8. I have learned over the years that to hate someone or be mad at someones actions that you disagree with is a waste of time. We should pity this man that cannot see the big picture to what he is doing. Abbie has the most wonderful parents that a person can wish for. If not for them Abbie would be in a institution withering away (g-d forbid) They are caring for their daughter day in and day out.They are the most selfless people I have ever met in my life. If Dan would be able to see this his tragedy would be somewhat soothed. Instead he chooses to fight his wife's family which ultimately is draining them financially. Money that could of been used to help raise his beautiful children is being wasted on lawyers. What a pity!! He is raising his children with long term grief for they have "lost" a loving extended family with wonderful cousins aunts and uncles who would love to be part of these childrens lives. What a pity and what a shame!!

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  9. As a wife of an anoxic husband I sympathize for Abbie and her parents. Through what I have gone thru family helped my husband to comeback to an area where he is communicating with us, goes to therapy and is slowly improving to show the world and doctors that the brain can slowly improve but never 100%. Let Abbie see her children regularly. They will help her to heal. Our prayers go out to the family and may her exhusband learn to know to be civil and help her heal with the children.

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  10. this guy is some f---ing jerk he should rot in hell for what he is doing

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  11. as a son of a parent that did not let me see my other parent as a kid: it is wrong and not right my sister got sick b/c she did not know what and where is her parent

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  12. Court transcripts are available to the public unless they are specifically sealed (which sometimes happens in cases involving minors). I have no idea, however, if they are free or you must pay a fee for them, but they are public information.

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  13. The court's definition of an unfit parent is someone who may harm the children by taking drugs or by the cpmpany he/she keeps, not a persom who is physically disabled; and keep in mind that this woman became physically disabled giving birth to those children. The former husabnd must be a heartless s-o-b.

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  14. "Maybe his in-laws aren't frum"? OMG! Can't you think on a human level? Even assuming the grandparents aren't frum, WHO CARES? Why shouldn't they have a relationship with their grandchildren? Don't be cruel while wrapping yourself up in a phoney mantel of Torah.

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  15. I think the father has spite against the mother and the family. He once had a happy life with her ( I hope) and even if not she is the mother of these kids and deserves respect for that. Saying she can't see when she really could is disgusting and a crime. I think he should be investigated as to how he is raising his kids with animosity towards their mother.

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  16. its interesting to know what kind of relationship he has with his lawyer who is a female her name is vicki green she testified that she doesnt get money from him and what she does in his house in middle of the night..... vicki green shame on you!!!!!

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  17. how come the chabad shul lets him daven in their shul??????????

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  18. the californian law is that an atorney and a client arent allowed to sleep together!!!!

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  19. I read about this story a while back. The husband is a punk. I would stick it out with the woman who almost gave her life for the birth of my children. Yet he flees like a dog with his tail between his legs. The woman has suffered enough.

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  20. This father is a monster and should have his children taken away and put in prison. This poor girl gave everything bringing them into the world and now he denies her all she has left. The father is the scum of the earth and i hope he reads this comment. You don't even deserve to live, you monster!

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  21. I truely hope, that her ex-husband, his lawyers, and medical people stopping these kids from seeing their mother, all burn in hell.

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  22. It's is moronic thinking the children should be kept from their mother because she is disabled. Those children instinctively know who their mother is and where they came from. As long as the mother does not pose a physical threat to the children (I don't think this is the case here) it should be a blessing to those children that their mother is still alive. Maybe the father might learn some compassion from watching his children interact with their mother

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  23. As Abbie's mother, I ask that all of you davon for Dan Dorn to see that it is possible to add light to the world by opening his heart & doing what is in the best interest of the triplets & Abbie. The children & Abbie had a wonderful visit. Those who wish to help Abbie in her fight to see her children may contribute to the Abbie Dorn Rights of the Disabled Fund at Horry County State Bank,4400 Hwy 17 S, N. Myrtle Beach, S.C., 29582. Hashem willing, Dan will do Tehuvah & a trial will not be necessary. All funds not needed will be used to help others with Brian Injuries.

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  24. I think the father is disabled if he is able to act with such cruelty. This is a sickness and the kids should be taken away from such a father who not only is cruel, but teaches his kids to be cruel to their own mother. If he does not want to take care of his (ex) wife – it’s his choice but he is not allowed to prevent his children from their human obligation of caring about their mother.

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  25. Dan Dorn is also seeking child support from Abbie. What a piece of scum.

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  26. My mother died when I was 3 of a brain aneurysm. I would give everything I personally owned to spend just 15 minutes in her presence even if she was comatose. I pray these children get to see their mother.

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  27. This story brought me to tears! What is Dan's reason for keeping the children from having a relationship with thier mother? He has no idea what harm he is doing to them! As Sam Cole said, where do i donate to help this young mother.

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  28. Kind of make you wonder just how much the Father paid the Dr to do this to his wife? For sure someone was paid off.

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  29. Without question Abbie must be given full access to her children. I have great concerns that by remaining with the father-the children may learn poor morals and values, The only way this can be prevented is to allow them to see their mother and know that she nearly sacrificied herself to have them.

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  30. God should allow Abbie to see her children. To even think otherwise leaves one open to major character flaws. I pray that the judge is a moral person and acts with the full force of the law.

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  31. Abbie - my heart is completely broken for you. I am praying for you that you see your children in person again, and soon. My own son is just over a year and the idea of missing all of these early moments and developments is wrenching. I am so sorry that your ex-husband is so selfish as to only think about his convenience. I first saw your story on Facebook and will be posting it to my profile. Know that in the world your supporters are legion. May our prayers and good thoughts tip the balance in your favor.

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  32. DAN, come on! Give it up already. You are acting as the true victim & it isn't going to work. Abbie sacrificed herself for her three children & instead of living by the vows you promised, you ran away & now lie to your children to 'protect' them. This article isn't lying. The people who know Abbie aren't lying. They know what her rights are & are taking the correct actions to assert them. How dare you decide what she or the children can or cannot handle.

    You can hide behind your despicable lawyer. You can hide behind your 'faith' but in the end you have shown your true colors as being darker than anyone could ever imagine. In cases like this I can only hope a judge will go one step further & remove the children from you permanently. You, sir, are a monster.

    And, obieelzas (who is either Dan or a buddy), pass my comment on. Dan (you) are pure evil.

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  33. My heart goes out to Abbie, her family, & her children. Dan needs to learn compassion & simple human kindness; refusing to allow Abbie to see her kids?!?!?! It very well could be a healing experience for Abbie. And Dan, hands off that settlement; that money is for Abbie & her care.

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  34. God bless you Abbie. I hope Dan would find it in his heart to let your children know you, the person you were, the person you are inside. I know I would want my chilldren to know me especially if I'm still alive.

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  35. The husband is evil and does not have the children's best interest at heart. He should be ashamed of himself for divorcing her after she became disabled giving birth to his children.

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  36. Where in the constitution does it say only fit parents can visit their children? I must of missed that one. The children should be able to see their disabled mother. Children understand bad thiings happen and to keep them away from thier mother is rediculous. If they had been allowed to spned time with her who knows how much that could have helped her recovery.

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  37. Vicky green why do you have to shear your bedroom with other people you are a sick women but one thing is for sure don't call yourself frum and I really feel bad for your husband

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  38. Dan I hope you rot for this one it's just not right let her see the kids just a few times it's makes her happy

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  39. She bore the kids for him at least let her see them once a week it won't kill you Dan but not letting them see her will kill you one day

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  40. To the Cohen family:
    Your not. Alone we are all behind you till the end may god bless you with much success

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  41. dear cohen family i want to support you guys. its wrong what your ex husband is doing! you SHOULD be able to see your children!!!

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  42. You guys have no idea what you are talking about! You are not involved and you are making judgments from a newspaper article. You should be ashamed of yourselves.
    And to the Cohen family (who are the ones creating the lawsuits- not the other way around) you got the largest settlement ever issued by Cedar Sinai...how did you manage to burn through all that in such a short time that you need to ask for donations? Perhaps if you focusing on caring for Abbie, an unfortunate victim in all this, instead of spending money on lawyers (Felicia Meyers is the dirtiest scummy family law attorney there is in LA) perhaps Abbie would get to a point where this is a non-issue...

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  43. By all accounts, Abbie is BRAIN DEAD, in a "persistent, vegetative state", according to top neurologists who diagnosed her at Cedars Sinai four years ago. She is UNABLE to establish eye contact, respond in any way, cannot hold anything, follow ANY direction, cannot recognize, acknowledge ANYTHING and it's a lie, a joke to call this unfortunate, tragic person, now brain-dead, "disabled" since she's so far gone, she has no idea of anything in her environment yet sure, her own mother will claim she can see, talk, communicate, read-blah, blah, blah. But don't you find it odd that not ONE doctor has come out supporting any of Susan's claims that Abbie can do anything. I've worked with patients like Abbie- completely motionless on a bed, unresponsive, have to be fed through a g-tube (eating is cognitive function Abbie cannot do) and it's disturbing to be in a room with this type of person. You are so quick to judge when you have not seen Abbie, not stood in the room, but look up videos of her on-line and you will have some idea- a glimpse perhaps of the brain-dead person she is. It's not right to glorify a brain-dead person in a vegetative state and demonize the man who was left to raise three babies. What a double standard we have in this society! You'd feel sorry for a woman left to raise three babies without her husband if he were lost in 9/11 wouldn't you? You may shed tears for her as she described her struggle on her own. But for a man with three babies, you don't stop for a second to consider his struggle on his own to raise three newborns at the grief of losing his wife with no time at all to stop and mourn as he was thrown into a life with his babies, without his beloved, told by doctors she was in a "persistent vegetative state" and you have no sympathy, no empathy for him? Seriously? Then, you must be the terrible person, and certainly a terrible Jew.

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  44. It's HER parents that moved Abbie away from L.A to South Carolina, where he visited last month after flying ALL day with three young children. I have three young children and would never attempt such a journey, two flights, layovers, all day in airports/flights. The father never stopped the visits. It was HER family who stopped by moving her away which is hard for anyone much less a single parent with three kids to travel to. Clearly, none of you have young children since if you did, you'd be able to relate to how difficult it can be just to get out the door,much less travel 3000 miles away. He hasn't opposed visits, only travelling across country regularly.

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  45. What a jerk. No mother should have to go thru this

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