A woman has opened up about desperately trying to untangle
herself from her ex-husband, who continues to exert his control over her by
manipulating Jewish law.
Gital Dodelson, 25, wrote in the New York Post that she
divorced her husband Avrohom Meir Weiss in 2012, but she has spent the last
four years trying to get him to grant her a 'get' - the document that must be
signed by a husband for a divorce to be recognized by Jewish law.
Without it, 'men can't even look at me,' explains the law
student. 'Under the eyes of God, I'm still married, chained to someone who
refuses to release me back into society.'
The mother-of-one from Lakewood, New Jersey, explained that
her husband - whom she says has always been a controlling man - comes from a
respected rabbinic family, making it all the more difficult to loosen herself
from his power.
After numerous attempts to reach an agreement, all met with
the same defiance, Ms Dodelson has decided to make her story public in an
effort to move on with her life.
She says she saw signs that Mr Weiss would be a difficult
husband just three days into their marriage in 2009, when they spent their
first Shabbat together in complete silence.
Explaining that the observance is typically a female
tradition, she says he lost his temper when she was telling him how it was done
in her family.
'When my way contradicted his way, he criticized me and
turned angry,' she writes.
Her husband then told her: 'You have no choice. It's not my
way' - an attitude he was to exhibit consistently over the following four
years.
Not only did he have the final say when it came to religious
observances, but he also had control over how their shared finances were used,
even though Ms Dodelson was the sole breadwinner.
When she suggested couples therapy, he refused, and every
attempt to communicate was met with silence and hostility.
It was when she became pregnant that she decided to take a
stand against her overbearing other half.
'I thought: "How can I bring a child into this world
with a virtual stranger? Someone I'm so disconnected from?"' she says.
Mr Weiss ultimately granted her a divorce - after first
attempting to file for sole custody of their son Aryeh - but he still won't
sign a get, despite her pleas.
By refusing to give her a get, Mr Weiss is merely continuing
to exert his power over her, says Rabbi Jeremy Stern, executive director of the
Organization for the Resolution of Agunot.
This is further reinforced by the fact that refusing to
issue a get is viewed in Jewish law as domestic abuse.
What's more, as a man Mr Weiss is free to date other woman
openly, while his ex-wife is stuck in limbo in her community, where it would be
considered adultery for her to move on romantically without a get.
For his part, Mr Weiss appears to be fully aware of his own
manipulative nature.
During Ms Dodelson's most recent attempt to convince him
about a month ago, he apparently said to her: 'I can't give you a get - how
else would I control you?'
The only conditions by which he says he would sign the get,
according to SetGidalFree.com, would be if she rearranged the custody
arrangement and gave him $350,000 - a fee she simply can't afford.
'On paper, I am a free woman,' she writes. 'But this means
nothing in halacha, and I'm still imprisoned by my husband to this day.'
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