Well, at least there's a silver lining to the predicted Apocalypse. Mayor Bloomberg, his tongue planted firmly in his cheek, took to the airwaves Friday morning and addressed the highly publicized prophecy that the End of Times will begin Saturday.
“I can just tell you that official policy from the Sanitation Department and the Department of Transportation,” Bloomberg said. “If the world ends tomorrow, alternate side parking will be suspended.”
And that's not the only hidden benefit to The Rapture, Bloomberg said.
“Think about it, if the world ends tomorrow it would fix our traffic problems,” Bloomberg told host John Gambling during his weekly WOR radio appearance. “I don't think you have to worry about returning library books or parking tickets.”
New Yorkers have been bombarded with warnings about the rumored end of the earth thanks to a $140,000 ad campaign funded by a Staten Island man who has blanketed bus shelters and subway placards with scary advertisements.
The Mayor revealed that he won't be within the city limits Saturday, saying that he'll be giving a speech in Oklahoma when Judgment Day arrives.
“You're a brave man,” teased Gambling, “considering after the snowstorm, to be out of town when the world ends. You're going to be criticized in the newspapers.”
Bloomberg — who suggested the impending separation of those going to heaven or hell gave a “whole different meaning” to the phrase “alternate side” — wouldn't guess his eternal destination.
“I think it depends on who you ask,” he said.
Hizzoner also struck a reassuring note and made a prediction that should put New Yorkers' minds at ease about the Apocalypse.
“The world should not end tomorrow,” Bloomberg said. “It can't end until at least the Knicks win a championship again … so we got a long time.”
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